Media Whore

NYPD Blue is Dead, Dead, Dead!!!

2005-02-05T14:07:00.000-08:00

Like having Jimmy Smits invade the West Wing wasn't enough, a puffy-like-an-alcoholic Kim Delaney has invaded the OC!! WTF? Like we are supposed to believe that Sandy Cohen would be interested in her fat "I haven't had a drink in 15 minutes" ass when he has smokin' hot Kirsten at home. Riiiiiight! Shut up, Kim Delaney. I think your AA Meeting is about to start...

***Before you start yelling at me, I mean no offense to anyone who is in AA. Coming from a long line of alcoholics, I commend you for getting the help you need.

Insulting Our Intelligence

2005-01-13T15:35:00.000-08:00

Who do the television execs think they are trying to fool!?!? I don't get it. When a character has been on a show for a certain amount of time, the audience becomes accustomed to a certain standard. And if that actor leaves the show, the audience expects that spot to be filled with an actor of the same caliber.

Well! NBC apparently does not follow that school of thought. What is up with the excessive amount of "B" actor replacements on their shows??

First came Law and Order. When Jerry Orbach (god rest his soul) left, I was interested to see who would replace him (although, really, there is no replacing Lenny Briscoe). Hmm...whom do we have here? Dennis Farina. Dennis Farina? No, really? Dennis? Farina? Hmph. Well that's just dumb. He is some sort of poor-man's Jerry Orbach! He does rotten "B" movies where he plays the same character over and over again. A loud italian guy, usually connected to the mob. He's not a cop for chrissakes! And certainly not a cop like Lenny Briscoe! He is irritating to watch. As much as I love me some Jesse L. Martin and Sam Waterston's eyebrows, I can't watch the show. He has ruined it for me. Thank you NBC for taking away something else that I love, when I have so little left!!

And how about the West Wing? You can't possibly have me believe that Martin Sheen, President Bartlett, is going to be replace by Jimmy Smits!?!?! C'mon! That is just ridiculous! What, is he the only Latino actor available. Just sitting at home, waiting for his phone to ring...

NBC thinks: "Hmmm...we need ethnic...how about Morgan Freeman?"
" Nah, he ALWAYS gets to be the President in every disaster movie. Who else?"
"We could use a Mexican?"
"Yes! Good! Let's go with that! Does Oscar De La Hoya act? He's pretty."
"Don't think so..."
"What about that Edwards James Olmos guy? He's good! That rape scene in...oh...never mind."
"Yeah, I think he's pretty busy doing Lifetime movies anyways."
"Is Dennis Farina Latin?"
"Oh, Law & Order already snagged him."
"Well fuck! Who else is there? We could never get Benjamin Bratt and Antonio Banderas barely speaks English, the audience would never buy it!"
"Hey, has that guy from NYPD Blue done anything lately?"
"Rick Schroeder? Gah! He has blonde hair, for chrissakes! Let's at least think of someone we can make into a Latino!"
"No! The other guy...with the wispy hair...Johnny...or Jimmy...Sfjjriutu..."
"Jimmy Smits! Yeah! Wait. Is he dead?"
"No! He just hasn't done anything. He was so desperate they made him a ghost on NYPD Blue. He probably paid them for that role. A ghost! HA! Loser! He's definitely available."
"And he's definitely a Latino."
"Then it's decided. Great. The audience will love this. They'll be so excited about an ethnic President, they won't even care that his last role was as a ghost!"

Well guess what NBC? WE CARE!! Stupid NBC! Stupid Jerry Orbach for dying! And stupid Jimmy Smits for not having a career!

Nanny 911

2004-11-03T21:18:00.000-08:00

I am absolutely appalled at this show. Here's an idea, why doesn't the Nanny take the parents outside and beat them? Because they really deserve it. They have to be the two DUMBEST people around. And they have reproduced. That really freaks me out. It's too bad they didn't read Mike's post first. They could have spared the world two more tantrum-throwing brats that will only go on to be manipulative teenagers and adults. Oh the joy that Fox spreads.

Buffy/Angel Sightings

2004-11-03T20:17:00.000-08:00

Charles Gunn was on CSI:Miami last week. I miss him. They should put him on that show as a permanent cast member. Mmmmm...

Joyce Summers is pushing Advil on me. It freaks me out. Makes me think of the episode where The First makes Dawn see her again. And she is getting eaten by a devil dog thingy. *shiver*

Halloween

2004-10-31T16:28:00.000-08:00

So I FINALLY found some decent scary movies on TV, but of course they are all edited for TV. Blah!

Anyway, I was watching Halloween and I couldn't help but notice how mean Lori's "friends" were to her! Maybe all that time Michael Meyers was just pissed at her friends for being mean to his little sister. And then he went after her because he was mad that she was a spine less wimp who let her friends put her down and walk all over her.

Didn't anyone ever think about that???

I Feel Ripped Off!

2004-10-24T22:13:00.000-07:00

Hmmm...I really don't think I am a kids book! And I am really starting to hate quizilla...

You are Stone Soup! Truly, you are classic
literature, but your cheerful effervescence
keeps you from being one of those boring
"adult" books. Aww! You're so cute!
"Make it well, and when it's done, share
Stone Soup with everyone!" You will also
enjoy any children's book.

Which Piece of Classic Literature are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Bam!

2004-10-24T01:33:00.000-07:00

I tried to post the picture of Bam to this site, but instead it went to my other Blog. So click here to see how adorable he is. Anyway, it is 1:30 am and I am a big loser because I am still up watching reruns of Viva La Bam. And eagerly awaiting the premiere of his third season on MTV that starts tomorrow. And for the record, I am also totally addicted to Pimp My Ride. I don't know what's up with that. I guess I heart Xhibit, too. X to the Z, Baby!

Most Pointless Use of 30 Minutes

2004-10-14T18:35:00.000-07:00

OH. MY. GOD.

Laguna Beach on MTV. I will never get those 30 minutes back. I could cry, it was so painful.

I think I could officially hate MTV for this. HATE.

Is it 1986?

2004-10-14T17:49:00.000-07:00

Cameo will be playing in the LBC soon.

What?

Cameo? Seriously? Cameo, as in "Word Up" and....ummm...did they have any other songs? I almost want to go just to see who pays good money to see Cameo.

I am at a loss.

Movie Quote Quiz of the Day

2004-10-12T13:45:00.000-07:00

This is a great movie! It seemed particularly appropriate with all the talk of tiny food today. Please put your guess in the comments section:

"Something strange happened to me this morning..."
"Was it a dream where you see yourself standing in sort of sun god robes on a pyramid with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you?"
"No."
"Why am I the only person that has that dream?"

TV is Ruining My Life!

2004-10-11T15:28:00.000-07:00

Ladies and Germs, the Fall Season is upon us. And with that, we as the television audience, are bombarded with new shows. Most of which are crap.

Here is what I don't understand: why do the stations insist on taking the same idea, adding a different host/music/cast, and slap on a different title when it is the same exact show!?!? And what is even worse, is that the viewing audience buys into it! The shows that are "smart" and "different" get the shaft, because really, who wants to think when they watch TV. It is much more entertaining to watch grown men squeeze into girdles and fight over a bouquet. Ugh!

As a life-long, self-proclaimed Couch Potato, I am embarrassed by some of the crap that is on television. The Television Executives must be laughing their asses off at us. They are sitting around, thinking of the most hideous situations to put people in and getting paid for it. Not fair! And shame on us for buying into it!

I can admit that I like a good reality show now and again (TAR, The Apprentice, the Joe Schmo Show), but once a concept has been done, LEAVE IT ALONE!! Why must we re-visit it again and again?

Oh! And when something different and somewhat far-fetched (yet entertaining) does come along, what do you hear people say? "Oh that would never happen." Yeah, no shit, that's why I'm watching it!

Am I the only one that's getting bored of reality television? The only thing it is really teaching me is that are a lot of dumb fucks out there. A LOT.

On a different note, I am totally loving Desperate Housewives (did I just completely ruin my credibility there?). There are many things to hate about the show, but as far as I am concerned, it has one saving grace: Marcia Cross. Damn that woman plays a psycho like nobody's business! There was a scene in the first episode where she is standing in front of the mirror. I was on the edge of my seat just waiting for her to peel off her wig, revealing a HUGE disfiguring scar on the side of her head! That would be so cool! And would make the show that much better! Writers take note!

Also, I must jump on the Lost bandwagon. Hands down the best new show of the season and the only one that I truly look forward to each week. Plus, Ian Somerhalder...mmmm...Now that's good television...

I Wanna Be Cindy-Lou

2004-09-22T21:18:00.000-07:00

Hee hee...I am totally biting off her comedic moments. Obviously this is not everything I find funny, but this is a good start:

Saving Silverman:"...what does a mime look like when he's having sex anyway? Probably like...(makes gross gestures) I'm a mime! I'm a mime!"
"Dude, mimes don't talk."
"They do when they're off duty."

Zoolander: "You can dere-lick my balls, Capitan"
"I can dere-lick my own balls."
(This movie is just to funny, and it is so hard to pick just one part!)

Breakfast Club: "...I figured all I needs is a lobotomy and some tights."
"You guys wear tights?"
"I wear the required uniform!"
"Tights."

Austin Powers: At the end when they are in the factory and Austin is driving the cart, trying to turn it around in the hallway and he is inching back and forward. Back and forward, like an inch at a time.

Mallrats:When Brodie takes his tiny espresso cup to the counter and says "Fill this with Coke, no ice!"

Swingers: The scene where they are in the restaurant after Mike meets Lorraine and Sue and Trent are drunk. Trent has some of the best lines ever, including "Fine, I'll ask her, excuse me ma'am? Where do the high school girls hang out?" and "I'm the asshole tonight!"

Drop Dead Gorgeous: When Becky Ann Leeman (Denise Richards) is performing her "talent" and singing on stage and dancing with Jesus on the cross.

Best in Show: When Harlan Pepper is naming all the nuts.

Made: Ricky at the club to the waitress "Here's 50 bucks in case I get drunk and call you a bitch later"

Oh my gosh! I'm getting carried away, I could go on forever! I may have to do a part II!! Must sleep now!

Ketchup - Part Deux

2004-09-22T10:11:00.000-07:00

Okay, first of all, I am very sad that Rory Cochrane has left CSI: Miami. He was one of the reasons I started watching in the first place. I LOVED him in Dazed and Confused, but I REALLY LOVED him in Empire Records ("Hey Lucas, is it true you committed the perfect crime?" "Not entirely perfect."). Classic. Anywhoo, within the first few minutes of the show, the entire audience knew who was going to be killed because of excessive foreshadowing! Did anyone else notice this? And can I just say that it took me a while, but I have really warmed up to David Caruso/Horatio Crane.

And CHIP AND KIM!!! WOO HOO!! In all of my years of watching The Amazing Race, I have never been so excited to see a team win! They truly deserved it! They were always positive, they never fought or got snippy with each other, and they always took the time to look around and appreciate where they were. I thought they were awesome and I was yelling, clapping and crying when they crossed the finish line (I know, I get way too into my shows!). My two favorite moments of the show were 1) Christie and Colin falling out of their Kayak while trying to hurry and 2) Christie falling in the airport while trying to hurry. Laughed my ass off! Oh wait! Two second favorite moments were 1) Nicole throwing a tantrum in Canada, dramatically throwing her bike around. She was about two seconds away from throwing herself in the snow, kicking her legs and beating her fists! 2) The way they showed the "heavens" everytime Brandon started praying (which was about every two minutes!). LOVE TAR!

Lost! I am soooo excited! Considering that there are slim pickings this season on the sci-fi front, this show could satisfy my craving. I am hoping it satisfys my craving. I will be able to comment further after tonight. In the meantime, please watch and discuss with me!

I guess that's enough TV talk for now. I still need to go home and watch my new Star Wars Trilogy DVD...it's a good thing I don't sleep!

The Emmyzzzzz

2004-09-20T10:57:00.000-07:00

I don't get it. They try to limit the acceptance speeches to 40 seconds each and cut off people mid-sentence, yet how much time did they waste with the stupid, nonsensical Gary Shandling skits?!!? LAME! And by the way, was it just me or did anyone else think that Gary had MAC Lipglass on? Those lips were fuller and shinier than Jennifer Aniston's!

Also, Marlo Thomas accepting the award. Touching. Choking the Bob Hope statue, strangling it? Classic.

Who is Eileen Stritch? Am I missing something?

Poor Mariska Hargitay? I was a little embarrassed for her...

Anyway, kind of a lame show. A few good surprises, which I enjoyed. I was glad to see SJP and Cynthia Nixon won. Happy to see Michael Imperioli and Drea De Matteo win. Blah blah blah...

No dresses that I absolutely loved, lots that I cringed at.

Ummm...Myrna and Shmirna? Ewww...WTF? How did they get invited, did someone reset the timer on their 15 minutes? Doesn't matter, I guess because TAR won.

Mmmm...Phil in a suit with a sassy silver tie...mmmm...

'nuff said.

Glory Days

2004-09-14T14:07:00.000-07:00

Do they have after-school progamming these days? And I'm not asking about cartoons, I mean the kind of shows that we used to watch. Do kids these days even know about the "After School Special"? Or about Electric Company? Or how about good old Dance Party USA? I used to rush home from school to watch these shows!

I guess when I was younger I watched more cartoons. My favorites were Thundercats, He-Man and She-Ra, Plastic Man, Inspector Gadget, and Beverly Hills Teens (I think that was in junior high). Aww man, just thinking about all those cartoons really takes me back.

I can remember walking home in elementary school (when I still lived in San Jose) to my babysitter, Wanda. It always took forever because I had to wait for three other kids: Kenny, Nikki and Caryn. And then we would get there and have to sit outside and eat our snack. I can only remember the little plastic cups we got. I remember trying to get the other kids to hurry so that we wouldn't miss Thundercats and He-Man ("By the power of Graceskull..."). Then we would be banished to the backyard where we were not allowed to play on the grass. Strangely enough we weren't allowed to sit on the couches either...what kind of babysitter was this!?!?

But I digress...back to my shows...As I got older I would rush home from junior high every day to catch Beverly Hills Teens. And after that it was frantic homework doing so that I could be "in place" to watch Dance Party USA. I had a crush on a different Jersey boy every week I think. I just wanted to be on that show soooo bad. I thought those kids were the coolest! They were so lucky. Nowadays I rush home to see...nothing. Actually TNT replays Angel at 5pm, so I guess that isn't too bad...And I do love me my Jeopardy at 7!

Even Saturday Morning cartoons aren't what they used to be! Is it so bad that I long for the days of simple drawings, dumb voices and reduntant storylines!?! My two favorite Saturday morning cartoons were The Littles and The Snorks! Let me know what yours were!

Garden State

2004-09-11T16:36:00.000-07:00

Who knew that Zach Braff was so smart and talented?!?! Don't get me wrong, I have loved him in Scrubs since the beginning. I guess I was just completely blown away by how funny, sharp and smart Garden State was. The writing was sooo good and the acting was great. Natalie Portman's character was such a nut, sooo funny! I know that this film is in limited release, but I can not recommend it enough. So even if you have to drive across 6 county lines or 4 states to see it, GO NOW! Seriously, stop reading this right now and get in your car and go! This is by far the best movie I have seen all summer!

A Tiny Piece of Me Has Died!

2004-09-09T10:09:00.000-07:00

I heart Ken Jennings! And I want him to stay on Jeopardy forever. Therefore, I hope this story is completely false!

"We Are Pathetic"

2004-09-08T13:24:00.000-07:00

Before I begin my rants on TAR, I would like to mention something in regards to Scrubs: Do you think Nike sponsors the show? Holy product placement, Batman!! And now, back to our regularly scheduled bitch-fest:

**Why is Phil STILL dressed like the Good Humor Man?? Someone get this man some decent clothes!
**Did Nicole actually tell someone they had to rely on Brandon's good looks because they have no money? They only place you two are going with those looks is straight to the Blue Lagoon!
**My inner 13-year-old boy would like to say something: "Bangkok"....tee hee....
**Really Christie, you could live in New Zealand? You have been off the plane exactly 5.6 minutes and you know this already? Hmmm.
**I heart Chip and Kim, but would like to donate my sense of direction to them.
**The Twins: "We are pathetic"...yes, I couldn't agree more. That could be the smartest thing they have said the entire show.
**Mmmmm...Phil in jeans, a pullover, and spiky hair....mmmm...Phil.
**How much do I want to go sledging now!?! Seriously, can I do that around here? Does anyone know?
**For Christie's next pageant, her talent will be sledging! Or demonstrating how to be a submissive, mind-controlled, spineless partner. She's still deciding.
**Twins: "Let's do dirty." I knew it! Filthy whores!
**Commercials: Done with Rupert! Enough! West Nile Virus again (does this bite look infected?)!
**Enough with the praying!! Seriously! Like God has nothing better to do than to help your stupid-task-choosing ass!
**Kami and Karli, I have been waiting weeks for you two dingbats to be Philiminated. Good riddance! OMG, they were totally gonna make out at the end!
**Next week: "Meltdown in Manila" AKA "Colin Hates Christie, But We Hate Colin More!"

A Blockbuster Weekend

2004-09-07T13:58:00.000-07:00

Seeing as how I have no friends that aren't currently in domestic bliss, I really didn't have a whole lot to do this weekend. So I rented movies. There are a buttload of movies that I have been wanting to see so I took this opportunity to rent what I wanted to watch. Finally!

The best movie that I rented was a little independent flick called Seeing Other People and stars Jay Mohr. Lauren Graham (Gilmore Girls) is in it, too and she plays such a bitch! She was probably one of the best things about this movie. It is about an engaged couple who decide that before they get married, they should sleep with other people. Of course some of it is predictable. But Julianne Nicholson is so adorable when she is telling Jay Mohr about her sexual conquests, that you just can't help but laugh. I really liked this movie and it was a great rental.

I also watched Swimming Pool. Eh. It held my interest, but I kept waiting for something to happen. And when it did, it felt very anti-climatic. And the end kinda threw me for a loop. I won't say what it was in case you haven't seen it and you would like to. But remember what I said: "Eh."

So I was probably the only person on the face of this earth that hadn't seen Monster, so I figured I better watch it. I can see why Charlize Theron won the Oscar for that role. It was a tough movie to watch and her character is so rough and dirty and sad...I found myself just gritting my teeth. I had to take a shower after watching it! But if anyone hasn't seen it, I think you should. I think you will be just as amazed at the story and acting as I was.

Since I had all that heavy stuff, I figured I better rent some "fluff" so I picked up 13 Going On 30. Why?!?! I don't even like Jennifer Garner. I am pretty sure she used to be a man. So please, just do yourself a favor and stay away from this movie. Unless you can just skip scenes and only watch the ones with Mark Ruffalo in them. He was the best part of the movie and even then, I would have to say it's just not worth it. In fact, turn the TV off and go read a book, you Slacker!

What? No TV!??!

2004-09-03T13:20:00.000-07:00

So last night I didn't watch TV. Shocking, I know. Don't worry, I didn't do something good for me like go on a bike ride or volunteer for the elderly or sleep. Nope, I have a new love and it is in the form of Trivial Pursuit on Playstation. Ooooohh how I love thee!

Let me start off by saying that I love games, especially trivia games. I keep Trivial Pursuit and Cranium in my car at all times because you just never know when you can gather a group to play. I was very satisfied with the Jeopardy on Playstation. It was fun and challenging. The worst part is "buzzing" in to answer a question. Which for someone reason I am way too lame to do! But guess what? With TP on PS, there is no buzzing involved! Everyone gets to "roll" the dice and move their pieces.

So you are probably asking yourself: "Self, why would I want to play TP on PS when I can just play it the old fashioned way?" Excellent question! There are all kinds of surprises waiting for you with every roll of the dice! If you land on a space where another player is sitting, you trap them! They don't get a turn until you have moved off them. And if you answer the question and move right away, they still lose a turn! You can bet on whether or not a player will get the correct answer. The more points you earn, the more you can do. At 50 points, you can steal another players "wedge" or protect one of yours! You can land on spaces that will rotate the board, or allow you to move anywhere on the board you choose, or that are worth 3x the point value!

Being the extremely competitive person that I am, I love the fact that not only can you rely on your vast knowledge of the useless to get ahead, but you can also have your say in keeping your competitors down! Woo hoo! I just got a head rush!

Hawaii 5-Oh Never Mind

2004-09-02T14:39:00.000-07:00

So I watched the new show Hawaii last night. Could the older police guy (sorry didn't catch any names) try any harder to be Horatio Crane? Go home, practice your brooding and whipping off your glasses! I did like that the cute-in-a-homely-sorta-way guy that played Claire's boyfriend on the first or second season of 6 Feet Under is on it. Wow! That was a horrible sentence! Also, the cute guy from Jack and Jill is on it. Is it just me or does he look like a skinnier version of Adrian Grenier with less hair? Either way, he's cute. But he needs to untuck his shirts. Oh yeah, there was a plot and some action and a crime and jacuzzi sex scene in the middle. But whatever, I just watch TV for the boys. HA!

The Lord Doesn't Care if You Are in the Game

2004-09-01T10:54:00.000-07:00

I can not believe that vanity almost lost Not-So-Pretty-Boy Brandon and Whining Nikki the game. Oh how I wish! When Phil told them it was a non-elimination round, I screamed at Phil (sorry Phil, I take it all back and I still heart you). So, my notes for this weeks episode are as follows:

- Christie, please stop making excuses for Colin's boorish behavior. We can all plainly see that he is an ass. And you making excuses for him, makes you look like an ass as well.

- Nicole, I can not believe that you had the nerve to compare mosques to Starbucks on national television. I can't even comment any further on this...

- The evil twins actually said that they were going to use all of their "sexual gifts" God gave them (okay, eww). That's right! Whore yourselves out on national television. Your parents must be so proud!

- Chip and Kim are killing me! I love you guys, please read your clues thoroughly!

- Ewww, Colin! You are hideous when you are angry! Wait! That's all the time! For the record, the twins...not much better...

- Did y'all pray with Brandon that God would give him the patience and skills to make bricks so that he wouldn't have to cut his golden locks? Yeah, me neither!

- Could I heart Chip any more right now? Don't think it's possible!

- Next week: Christie finally grows a pair! With Colin's permission of course!

The Complex: Malibu (Does this mean there will be other locations?)

2004-08-31T10:53:00.000-07:00

Yes, I am a dork. I just found myself taking a few notes on this show while watching it…

…Shut up, Sam! And please cut your hair.
…I wish I had an air horn in a can thingy like the host (Tyler?)
…One of the judges totally looked like Jon Lovitz at first glance!
…No showers? Ewww!
…”Plywood and Malibu don’t go together” My new personal motto!
…”Don’t trust Scotty” Hee hee! Scotty doesn’t know!
…Commercials: First sign of a truly horrendous movie? Milla Jovovich. And could Brooke Burns have larger teeth? I am amazed she can close her lips over those things!
…Doesn’t Tyler look like Dr. Carter?
…Did the same people that did Paradise Hotel last summer edit this show? All signs point to yes.
…Shut up, Kim. You are not to be trusted.
…Next episode: Name-calling! YAY!

Some thoughts on the VMA’s…

2004-08-31T10:21:00.000-07:00

**For one of the categories, Rock Song maybe, they started listing the nominees. First up is Hoobastank (emphasis on the “stank”) with The Reason. I find myself yelling at the TV “Geesh! I hate this song! Could it get any worse?” I had to ask. Next thing I know Evanescence is whining on my television. Ugh! People, I am begging you, please do not buy records by every no-talent flash-in-the-pan that pops up on TRL. PLLLEEAASSSEE!!!

**On the topic of Amy Lee, could someone please forward her stylist the memo that tank tops, minis, and Ugg Boots, which was a hideous look to begin with (Are you hot or cold? Make up your mind!), was soooo last season. Amy, please place this black bar over your eyes. Thank you.

**I realize that this is an election year and we are in a very politically charged time right now. I also realize the importance of voting and getting the word out there. I think that MTV is smart because they will reach a demographic that CNN may not. However, I just did not appreciate having the whole voting thing in my face for half the show (amen to your “vote or die” comment, D-Nice). I know the point they were trying to make by having the Bush and Kerry girls there, but they were really not who I turned in to see on the VMA’s. Maybe it’s just me.

**One of my favorite moments: Andre 3000 saying: “And again, for the millionth time, Hey Ya!” Classic. I never get sick of that song.

**Is it just me or is Usher smokin’ hot? Mmmm…Usher singing in the rain…Oh yeah, you take that wet shirt off and dance around. Slight problem with the day-glo floral suit, but when Usher dances, he dances just for me!

**Was he dissin’ JT or trying to make peace? I guess I didn’t get that. Either way, I am happy to volunteer to be the mediator between them (and when I say between, I mean between…Usher-JT sandwich anyone?).

**Perhaps I stand alone on this, but shut up, Gwen. And go away No Talent, I mean No Doubt. Please just stay home and have babies with Bush-whacked Gavin.

**Big Willie! Are you through your “Jada Pinkett” stage yet? I’m still waiting.

**Shaq standing on the stage next to No Doubt? F-ing funny! They looked like the Lollipop Kids standing next to him! Hee!

**Dave Chappelle? Rules, Bitches!

**I really enjoyed most of the performances, but thought that overall the show was a little drawn out and boring. Can someone please arrange a Rage Against the Machine reunion for next year? At least they brought controversy and excitement to the show!

I am...

2004-08-30T15:37:00.000-07:00

...such an ass! How could I not have mentioned Pulp Fiction in my previous post!! When that movie came out, I happened to be working at a movie theater. I saw it almost every night for about four weeks! No joke. It is just so funny and horrifying and dramatic and true, all at the same time. And talk about great movie quotes! Whew! On a side note, I just saw Kill Bill Vol 2. Quentin Tarantino continues to blow me away. Vol 1 & 2 were OUTSTANDING! How does this guy come up with this stuff?!?!? More on that later...can't concentrate with my eyeballs vibrating...

And the Mega Award Goes To...

2004-08-27T13:43:00.000-07:00

So, I have been asked to name my top 5 movies…UGH! Soooo hard! So many different genres and decades…it is hard! Especially when you are like me and there are certain movies that have certain things that really get to you, but you hate other things about the movie. Am I being too analytical? Probably, but it is my Blog, so bite me! So, what I did was write a list of movies that first come to mind. They are in no particular order and some of them are grouped together in a weird way, but I will explain why. Here goes:

Heathers – Classic dark comedy that captures the whole caste system in high school in such a brilliant way. What teenage girl’s best friend hasn’t been her worst enemy at one time or another? And who didn’t dream about a Christian Slater type to come along and change our lives? Plus, this movie provides us with a plethora of great quotes, including “I love my dead gay son!” HA!

Best in Show – Christopher Guest rocks my world! I don’t even know where to begin with this movie. Except to say that I can watch this movie over and over and still laugh my ass off! I can’t believe that the cast could make this movie with straight faces. Honorable Mention for a Comedy/Documentary goes to Drop Dead Gorgeous. Love that Midwestern accent! And even though I don’t think that Denise Richards could act her way out of a paper sack, the scene where she is singing and dancing with Jesus on the cross is one of the funniest things I have ever seen! Oh! And Ellen Barkin’s hand melted into her beer can? Great.

The Exorcist – My all-time favorite horror flick! Even hearing the music gives me chills. Still freaks me out to this day. When I was in Washington DC, one of the highlights was visiting the famous stairs. And taking many morbid pictures on them. I will try to post them for you all to see.

Breakfast at Tiffany’s/ Roman Holiday – No actress today can hold a candle to Audrey! I love both of these movies. I put them together because even though they are very different, they have similar themes. In BAT, Holly has her freedom, but would secretly liked to be kept. In RH, she is kept, but wants her freedom. Both movies are worth it for the costumes, the scenery, the music and of course Audrey. Bonus for all you A-Team fans: A young George Peppard in BAT!

Godfather II/ Empire Strikes Back – I know you are reading this list going “The hell?” right about now. Hear me out. The Godfather trilogy is almost perfect. Unfortunately Sofia Coppola single-handedly manages to ruin the entire third installment and makes all of her scenes unbearable to watch. I am partial to the second Godfather because of the way it brings the stories together. Everything makes sense after watching it. Same with the Star Wars trilogy. I just can’t handle the Ewoks in Return of the Jedi. And while I love the OG Star Wars, I am partial to ESB because of the way it ties everything together. Get it now?

Home Alone – I still cry from laughing so hard when Kevin McAllister lip-synchs to White Christmas. Yeah, I know. And one of my favorite movie lines (and one that I use on a weekly basis): “A lovely cheese pizza, just for me.” This movie is also where I picked up the habit of referring to people as “filthy animals”. Gotta love it!

Jungle Book/Beauty and the Beast – Yes, cartoons, Disney, I know….But any cartoon that has Louie Prima as a character and his songs on the soundtrack is tops in my book! And B&B is just classic. I can’t help but love it.

Swingers – Soooo true to life, I just can’t help it. Also provides of plethora of movie quotes that are great for any occasion, especially being in Vegas, where I find I am quoting this movie constantly. Bonus: Vince Vaughn. Oooooohhhhhh Yeaaaaaah!!!!

Lost Boys – One of the best vampire movies EVAH! Also, they filmed it in Santa Cruz, CA and at the time I was living in San Jose. My family happened to be in SC for clam chowder on the wharf, where the cast and crew had their trailers. Awesome. I watched them eat. I saw the Corey’s, Keifer, and Jamie Gertz. I will never forget it!

Shadow of the Vampire/ Boondock Saints – Two very different movies, one excellent thing in common: Willem Dafoe. ‘Nuff said. If you haven’t seen either one of these (which I am sure you haven’t) run to Blockbuster and snatch them up pronto!

Mildred Pierce – An oldie, but a goodie. Joan Crawford at her most motherly! Another one to run out and rent!

Sixteen Candles/ Breakfast Club/ Pretty in Pink – All classic John Hughes, all filled with great lines. He soooo captured the 80’s teen angst in the most entertaining way.

When Harry Met Sally – Does it get any better than Harry and Sally singing Surrey With a Fringe on Top at Sharper Image?

Honorable Mention for Best Guest Appearance in a Movie – Italy in the Talented Mr. Ripley. After seeing that movie I wanted to move to Italy. Luckily I got to visit. And I can’t wait to go back!

So of course there are many others to list, but this is what popped in my head at first thought. Let me know your thoughts and opinions!!

Movie Experience Guidelines - Part 1

2004-08-26T13:28:00.000-07:00

Okay kids, this one is going to be a two-parter (or maybe even three or four) since I had complaints about the length of the bug story (c’mon people!). But I do feel like I have quite a lot to say on this issue, so if I start to rant and carry on and get off topic, I apologize ahead of time.

As you know, I love movies. I love the actual films, I love the actors, the plots, the cinematography, and I love the actual movie experience in a theater. What I don’t love is when people who have no respect ruin something so near and dear to my heart. No respect for the movie, the experience or the people there who actually want to enjoy it. With that in mind, I bring to you my Movie Experience Guidelines. Created specially for the casual moviegoer so that they do not ruin The Experience for those of us who truly appreciate the fine art of film.

Let’s start at the beginning, shall we?

Lesson Number One: GET TO THE THEATER ON TIME!
This does not mean walking into the theater as the previews are ending. This does not mean as long as the credits are still on the screen, you have plenty of time to climb over people and get a seat. This means getting to the theater with plenty of time to stand in the concession line, stand in the restroom line and find a seat BEFORE the pre-views start.

If for some reason you cannot manage to get to the theater on time, sit in the most accessible seats as possible. If there are two seats together, but they happen to be towards the front, shut up and sit there. That is your bad for not allowing yourself time to get to the theater before the previews. DO NOT climb over an entire row of people to get to two seats in the middle. And most especially, DO NOT ASK ME TO MOVE OVER A SEAT SO THAT YOU AND YOUR FRIEND CAN SIT TOGETHER! Perhaps you and said friend should have made sure you were on time if you wanted to sit together. See how my friend and I are sitting together? That’s because we were ON TIME! I have no sympathy for you, and I don’t want to be stuck sitting next to a stranger, so don’t even ask me to move. Oh and what about that empty seat next to me? Yes, someone is sitting there. MY PURSE! Because it was on time.

Also, if you do find yourself coming in after the lights have been dimmed and the previews or movie has started, DO NOT stand there with your friend and have a full-on conversation about where to sit. At this point, everyone in the theater hates your guts and wants you to sit down and shut up. And if they won’t say it, I will (Funny little sidebar story: Last summer I was at a movie with two friends and a friend of a friend, whom I just met that moment. About 20 minutes into the movie – not the previews, the actual movie – a gaggle of 15-year-old girls strolls in. They are at full volume, giggling and bumping into each other. They proceed to walk into the row in front of us and Just. Stand. There. They actually sit on a poor little girl that they couldn’t see. By this point I am ready to kick them in their heads so I yell out “Are you fucking retarded?!?!? SIT DOWN!!” Needless to say, the friend of the friend now thinks I am psycho. Oh well.). Anyway, as you can see, if you are acting like an idiot and cutting into my moving-viewing time, I will call you out and most likely in a not-too-nice way. Which brings us to our second lesson.

Lesson Number Two: SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Yes Granny, this includes you! I don’t care if your poor husband is hard of hearing and you have to repeat every line of the movie to him (true story), then you should come to a matinee at 10AM on a Tuesday, when only old people are there anyway.

If you are excited to see your friend and have a lot to catch up on, go to Starbucks for chrissakes! No one else in the theater gives a tiny rat’s ass what either one of you have been up to. Why would you pay the god-awful ticket price to see a movie that you are going to talk through? Save the big bucks and talk over a cup of coffee instead! Geesh! It is so simple! Oh, and if something happens during the movie that you must make a comment on, WHISPER it to your friend or wait until after the movie. No, it’s not funny when you make a comment out loud to the screen. I promise. And anyone who laughs and encourages said commenter is just as big an ass. And I hate you all.

Also in this lesson, let’s include opening your packages of candy, chips, etc. In a tense moment of a movie, I don’t want to hear the “crinkle-crinkle” of you opening your Red Vines! I have managed to get my Poppables open and ready for me before the previews so that I don’t disturb those around me with the annoying noise. Please do the same. And for crying out loud, STAY OUT OF YOUR PURSE!!