The Complex: Malibu (Does this mean there will be other locations?)

Yes, I am a dork. I just found myself taking a few notes on this show while watching it…

…Shut up, Sam! And please cut your hair.
…I wish I had an air horn in a can thingy like the host (Tyler?)
…One of the judges totally looked like Jon Lovitz at first glance!
…No showers? Ewww!
…”Plywood and Malibu don’t go together” My new personal motto!
…”Don’t trust Scotty” Hee hee! Scotty doesn’t know!
…Commercials: First sign of a truly horrendous movie? Milla Jovovich. And could Brooke Burns have larger teeth? I am amazed she can close her lips over those things!
…Doesn’t Tyler look like Dr. Carter?
…Did the same people that did Paradise Hotel last summer edit this show? All signs point to yes.
…Shut up, Kim. You are not to be trusted.
…Next episode: Name-calling! YAY!

Some thoughts on the VMA’s…

**For one of the categories, Rock Song maybe, they started listing the nominees. First up is Hoobastank (emphasis on the “stank”) with The Reason. I find myself yelling at the TV “Geesh! I hate this song! Could it get any worse?” I had to ask. Next thing I know Evanescence is whining on my television. Ugh! People, I am begging you, please do not buy records by every no-talent flash-in-the-pan that pops up on TRL. PLLLEEAASSSEE!!!

**On the topic of Amy Lee, could someone please forward her stylist the memo that tank tops, minis, and Ugg Boots, which was a hideous look to begin with (Are you hot or cold? Make up your mind!), was soooo last season. Amy, please place this black bar over your eyes. Thank you.

**I realize that this is an election year and we are in a very politically charged time right now. I also realize the importance of voting and getting the word out there. I think that MTV is smart because they will reach a demographic that CNN may not. However, I just did not appreciate having the whole voting thing in my face for half the show (amen to your “vote or die” comment, D-Nice). I know the point they were trying to make by having the Bush and Kerry girls there, but they were really not who I turned in to see on the VMA’s. Maybe it’s just me.

**One of my favorite moments: Andre 3000 saying: “And again, for the millionth time, Hey Ya!” Classic. I never get sick of that song.

**Is it just me or is Usher smokin’ hot? Mmmm…Usher singing in the rain…Oh yeah, you take that wet shirt off and dance around. Slight problem with the day-glo floral suit, but when Usher dances, he dances just for me!

**Was he dissin’ JT or trying to make peace? I guess I didn’t get that. Either way, I am happy to volunteer to be the mediator between them (and when I say between, I mean between…Usher-JT sandwich anyone?).

**Perhaps I stand alone on this, but shut up, Gwen. And go away No Talent, I mean No Doubt. Please just stay home and have babies with Bush-whacked Gavin.

**Big Willie! Are you through your “Jada Pinkett” stage yet? I’m still waiting.

**Shaq standing on the stage next to No Doubt? F-ing funny! They looked like the Lollipop Kids standing next to him! Hee!

**Dave Chappelle? Rules, Bitches!

**I really enjoyed most of the performances, but thought that overall the show was a little drawn out and boring. Can someone please arrange a Rage Against the Machine reunion for next year? At least they brought controversy and excitement to the show!

I am...

...such an ass! How could I not have mentioned Pulp Fiction in my previous post!! When that movie came out, I happened to be working at a movie theater. I saw it almost every night for about four weeks! No joke. It is just so funny and horrifying and dramatic and true, all at the same time. And talk about great movie quotes! Whew! On a side note, I just saw Kill Bill Vol 2. Quentin Tarantino continues to blow me away. Vol 1 & 2 were OUTSTANDING! How does this guy come up with this stuff?!?!? More on that later...can't concentrate with my eyeballs vibrating...

And the Mega Award Goes To...

So, I have been asked to name my top 5 movies…UGH! Soooo hard! So many different genres and decades…it is hard! Especially when you are like me and there are certain movies that have certain things that really get to you, but you hate other things about the movie. Am I being too analytical? Probably, but it is my Blog, so bite me! So, what I did was write a list of movies that first come to mind. They are in no particular order and some of them are grouped together in a weird way, but I will explain why. Here goes:

Heathers – Classic dark comedy that captures the whole caste system in high school in such a brilliant way. What teenage girl’s best friend hasn’t been her worst enemy at one time or another? And who didn’t dream about a Christian Slater type to come along and change our lives? Plus, this movie provides us with a plethora of great quotes, including “I love my dead gay son!” HA!

Best in Show – Christopher Guest rocks my world! I don’t even know where to begin with this movie. Except to say that I can watch this movie over and over and still laugh my ass off! I can’t believe that the cast could make this movie with straight faces. Honorable Mention for a Comedy/Documentary goes to Drop Dead Gorgeous. Love that Midwestern accent! And even though I don’t think that Denise Richards could act her way out of a paper sack, the scene where she is singing and dancing with Jesus on the cross is one of the funniest things I have ever seen! Oh! And Ellen Barkin’s hand melted into her beer can? Great.

The Exorcist – My all-time favorite horror flick! Even hearing the music gives me chills. Still freaks me out to this day. When I was in Washington DC, one of the highlights was visiting the famous stairs. And taking many morbid pictures on them. I will try to post them for you all to see.

Breakfast at Tiffany’s/ Roman Holiday – No actress today can hold a candle to Audrey! I love both of these movies. I put them together because even though they are very different, they have similar themes. In BAT, Holly has her freedom, but would secretly liked to be kept. In RH, she is kept, but wants her freedom. Both movies are worth it for the costumes, the scenery, the music and of course Audrey. Bonus for all you A-Team fans: A young George Peppard in BAT!

Godfather II/ Empire Strikes Back – I know you are reading this list going “The hell?” right about now. Hear me out. The Godfather trilogy is almost perfect. Unfortunately Sofia Coppola single-handedly manages to ruin the entire third installment and makes all of her scenes unbearable to watch. I am partial to the second Godfather because of the way it brings the stories together. Everything makes sense after watching it. Same with the Star Wars trilogy. I just can’t handle the Ewoks in Return of the Jedi. And while I love the OG Star Wars, I am partial to ESB because of the way it ties everything together. Get it now?

Home Alone – I still cry from laughing so hard when Kevin McAllister lip-synchs to White Christmas. Yeah, I know. And one of my favorite movie lines (and one that I use on a weekly basis): “A lovely cheese pizza, just for me.” This movie is also where I picked up the habit of referring to people as “filthy animals”. Gotta love it!

Jungle Book/Beauty and the Beast – Yes, cartoons, Disney, I know….But any cartoon that has Louie Prima as a character and his songs on the soundtrack is tops in my book! And B&B is just classic. I can’t help but love it.

Swingers – Soooo true to life, I just can’t help it. Also provides of plethora of movie quotes that are great for any occasion, especially being in Vegas, where I find I am quoting this movie constantly. Bonus: Vince Vaughn. Oooooohhhhhh Yeaaaaaah!!!!

Lost Boys – One of the best vampire movies EVAH! Also, they filmed it in Santa Cruz, CA and at the time I was living in San Jose. My family happened to be in SC for clam chowder on the wharf, where the cast and crew had their trailers. Awesome. I watched them eat. I saw the Corey’s, Keifer, and Jamie Gertz. I will never forget it!

Shadow of the Vampire/ Boondock Saints – Two very different movies, one excellent thing in common: Willem Dafoe. ‘Nuff said. If you haven’t seen either one of these (which I am sure you haven’t) run to Blockbuster and snatch them up pronto!

Mildred Pierce – An oldie, but a goodie. Joan Crawford at her most motherly! Another one to run out and rent!

Sixteen Candles/ Breakfast Club/ Pretty in Pink – All classic John Hughes, all filled with great lines. He soooo captured the 80’s teen angst in the most entertaining way.

When Harry Met Sally – Does it get any better than Harry and Sally singing Surrey With a Fringe on Top at Sharper Image?

Honorable Mention for Best Guest Appearance in a Movie – Italy in the Talented Mr. Ripley. After seeing that movie I wanted to move to Italy. Luckily I got to visit. And I can’t wait to go back!

So of course there are many others to list, but this is what popped in my head at first thought. Let me know your thoughts and opinions!!

Movie Experience Guidelines - Part 1

Okay kids, this one is going to be a two-parter (or maybe even three or four) since I had complaints about the length of the bug story (c’mon people!). But I do feel like I have quite a lot to say on this issue, so if I start to rant and carry on and get off topic, I apologize ahead of time.

As you know, I love movies. I love the actual films, I love the actors, the plots, the cinematography, and I love the actual movie experience in a theater. What I don’t love is when people who have no respect ruin something so near and dear to my heart. No respect for the movie, the experience or the people there who actually want to enjoy it. With that in mind, I bring to you my Movie Experience Guidelines. Created specially for the casual moviegoer so that they do not ruin The Experience for those of us who truly appreciate the fine art of film.

Let’s start at the beginning, shall we?

Lesson Number One: GET TO THE THEATER ON TIME!
This does not mean walking into the theater as the previews are ending. This does not mean as long as the credits are still on the screen, you have plenty of time to climb over people and get a seat. This means getting to the theater with plenty of time to stand in the concession line, stand in the restroom line and find a seat BEFORE the pre-views start.

If for some reason you cannot manage to get to the theater on time, sit in the most accessible seats as possible. If there are two seats together, but they happen to be towards the front, shut up and sit there. That is your bad for not allowing yourself time to get to the theater before the previews. DO NOT climb over an entire row of people to get to two seats in the middle. And most especially, DO NOT ASK ME TO MOVE OVER A SEAT SO THAT YOU AND YOUR FRIEND CAN SIT TOGETHER! Perhaps you and said friend should have made sure you were on time if you wanted to sit together. See how my friend and I are sitting together? That’s because we were ON TIME! I have no sympathy for you, and I don’t want to be stuck sitting next to a stranger, so don’t even ask me to move. Oh and what about that empty seat next to me? Yes, someone is sitting there. MY PURSE! Because it was on time.

Also, if you do find yourself coming in after the lights have been dimmed and the previews or movie has started, DO NOT stand there with your friend and have a full-on conversation about where to sit. At this point, everyone in the theater hates your guts and wants you to sit down and shut up. And if they won’t say it, I will (Funny little sidebar story: Last summer I was at a movie with two friends and a friend of a friend, whom I just met that moment. About 20 minutes into the movie – not the previews, the actual movie – a gaggle of 15-year-old girls strolls in. They are at full volume, giggling and bumping into each other. They proceed to walk into the row in front of us and Just. Stand. There. They actually sit on a poor little girl that they couldn’t see. By this point I am ready to kick them in their heads so I yell out “Are you fucking retarded?!?!? SIT DOWN!!” Needless to say, the friend of the friend now thinks I am psycho. Oh well.). Anyway, as you can see, if you are acting like an idiot and cutting into my moving-viewing time, I will call you out and most likely in a not-too-nice way. Which brings us to our second lesson.

Lesson Number Two: SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Yes Granny, this includes you! I don’t care if your poor husband is hard of hearing and you have to repeat every line of the movie to him (true story), then you should come to a matinee at 10AM on a Tuesday, when only old people are there anyway.

If you are excited to see your friend and have a lot to catch up on, go to Starbucks for chrissakes! No one else in the theater gives a tiny rat’s ass what either one of you have been up to. Why would you pay the god-awful ticket price to see a movie that you are going to talk through? Save the big bucks and talk over a cup of coffee instead! Geesh! It is so simple! Oh, and if something happens during the movie that you must make a comment on, WHISPER it to your friend or wait until after the movie. No, it’s not funny when you make a comment out loud to the screen. I promise. And anyone who laughs and encourages said commenter is just as big an ass. And I hate you all.

Also in this lesson, let’s include opening your packages of candy, chips, etc. In a tense moment of a movie, I don’t want to hear the “crinkle-crinkle” of you opening your Red Vines! I have managed to get my Poppables open and ready for me before the previews so that I don’t disturb those around me with the annoying noise. Please do the same. And for crying out loud, STAY OUT OF YOUR PURSE!!