I Wanna Be Cindy-Lou

Hee hee...I am totally biting off her comedic moments. Obviously this is not everything I find funny, but this is a good start:

Saving Silverman:"...what does a mime look like when he's having sex anyway? Probably like...(makes gross gestures) I'm a mime! I'm a mime!"
"Dude, mimes don't talk."
"They do when they're off duty."

Zoolander: "You can dere-lick my balls, Capitan"
"I can dere-lick my own balls."
(This movie is just to funny, and it is so hard to pick just one part!)

Breakfast Club: "...I figured all I needs is a lobotomy and some tights."
"You guys wear tights?"
"I wear the required uniform!"
"Tights."

Austin Powers: At the end when they are in the factory and Austin is driving the cart, trying to turn it around in the hallway and he is inching back and forward. Back and forward, like an inch at a time.

Mallrats:When Brodie takes his tiny espresso cup to the counter and says "Fill this with Coke, no ice!"

Swingers: The scene where they are in the restaurant after Mike meets Lorraine and Sue and Trent are drunk. Trent has some of the best lines ever, including "Fine, I'll ask her, excuse me ma'am? Where do the high school girls hang out?" and "I'm the asshole tonight!"

Drop Dead Gorgeous: When Becky Ann Leeman (Denise Richards) is performing her "talent" and singing on stage and dancing with Jesus on the cross.

Best in Show: When Harlan Pepper is naming all the nuts.

Made: Ricky at the club to the waitress "Here's 50 bucks in case I get drunk and call you a bitch later"

Oh my gosh! I'm getting carried away, I could go on forever! I may have to do a part II!! Must sleep now!

Ketchup - Part Deux

Okay, first of all, I am very sad that Rory Cochrane has left CSI: Miami. He was one of the reasons I started watching in the first place. I LOVED him in Dazed and Confused, but I REALLY LOVED him in Empire Records ("Hey Lucas, is it true you committed the perfect crime?" "Not entirely perfect."). Classic. Anywhoo, within the first few minutes of the show, the entire audience knew who was going to be killed because of excessive foreshadowing! Did anyone else notice this? And can I just say that it took me a while, but I have really warmed up to David Caruso/Horatio Crane.

And CHIP AND KIM!!! WOO HOO!! In all of my years of watching The Amazing Race, I have never been so excited to see a team win! They truly deserved it! They were always positive, they never fought or got snippy with each other, and they always took the time to look around and appreciate where they were. I thought they were awesome and I was yelling, clapping and crying when they crossed the finish line (I know, I get way too into my shows!). My two favorite moments of the show were 1) Christie and Colin falling out of their Kayak while trying to hurry and 2) Christie falling in the airport while trying to hurry. Laughed my ass off! Oh wait! Two second favorite moments were 1) Nicole throwing a tantrum in Canada, dramatically throwing her bike around. She was about two seconds away from throwing herself in the snow, kicking her legs and beating her fists! 2) The way they showed the "heavens" everytime Brandon started praying (which was about every two minutes!). LOVE TAR!

Lost! I am soooo excited! Considering that there are slim pickings this season on the sci-fi front, this show could satisfy my craving. I am hoping it satisfys my craving. I will be able to comment further after tonight. In the meantime, please watch and discuss with me!

I guess that's enough TV talk for now. I still need to go home and watch my new Star Wars Trilogy DVD...it's a good thing I don't sleep!

The Emmyzzzzz

I don't get it. They try to limit the acceptance speeches to 40 seconds each and cut off people mid-sentence, yet how much time did they waste with the stupid, nonsensical Gary Shandling skits?!!? LAME! And by the way, was it just me or did anyone else think that Gary had MAC Lipglass on? Those lips were fuller and shinier than Jennifer Aniston's!

Also, Marlo Thomas accepting the award. Touching. Choking the Bob Hope statue, strangling it? Classic.

Who is Eileen Stritch? Am I missing something?

Poor Mariska Hargitay? I was a little embarrassed for her...

Anyway, kind of a lame show. A few good surprises, which I enjoyed. I was glad to see SJP and Cynthia Nixon won. Happy to see Michael Imperioli and Drea De Matteo win. Blah blah blah...

No dresses that I absolutely loved, lots that I cringed at.

Ummm...Myrna and Shmirna? Ewww...WTF? How did they get invited, did someone reset the timer on their 15 minutes? Doesn't matter, I guess because TAR won.


Mmmm...Phil in a suit with a sassy silver tie...mmmm...

'nuff said.

Glory Days

Do they have after-school progamming these days? And I'm not asking about cartoons, I mean the kind of shows that we used to watch. Do kids these days even know about the "After School Special"? Or about Electric Company? Or how about good old Dance Party USA? I used to rush home from school to watch these shows!

I guess when I was younger I watched more cartoons. My favorites were Thundercats, He-Man and She-Ra, Plastic Man, Inspector Gadget, and Beverly Hills Teens (I think that was in junior high). Aww man, just thinking about all those cartoons really takes me back.

I can remember walking home in elementary school (when I still lived in San Jose) to my babysitter, Wanda. It always took forever because I had to wait for three other kids: Kenny, Nikki and Caryn. And then we would get there and have to sit outside and eat our snack. I can only remember the little plastic cups we got. I remember trying to get the other kids to hurry so that we wouldn't miss Thundercats and He-Man ("By the power of Graceskull..."). Then we would be banished to the backyard where we were not allowed to play on the grass. Strangely enough we weren't allowed to sit on the couches either...what kind of babysitter was this!?!?

But I digress...back to my shows...As I got older I would rush home from junior high every day to catch Beverly Hills Teens. And after that it was frantic homework doing so that I could be "in place" to watch Dance Party USA. I had a crush on a different Jersey boy every week I think. I just wanted to be on that show soooo bad. I thought those kids were the coolest! They were so lucky. Nowadays I rush home to see...nothing. Actually TNT replays Angel at 5pm, so I guess that isn't too bad...And I do love me my Jeopardy at 7!

Even Saturday Morning cartoons aren't what they used to be! Is it so bad that I long for the days of simple drawings, dumb voices and reduntant storylines!?! My two favorite Saturday morning cartoons were The Littles and The Snorks! Let me know what yours were!

Garden State

Who knew that Zach Braff was so smart and talented?!?! Don't get me wrong, I have loved him in Scrubs since the beginning. I guess I was just completely blown away by how funny, sharp and smart Garden State was. The writing was sooo good and the acting was great. Natalie Portman's character was such a nut, sooo funny! I know that this film is in limited release, but I can not recommend it enough. So even if you have to drive across 6 county lines or 4 states to see it, GO NOW! Seriously, stop reading this right now and get in your car and go! This is by far the best movie I have seen all summer!

A Tiny Piece of Me Has Died!

I heart Ken Jennings! And I want him to stay on Jeopardy forever. Therefore, I hope this story is completely false!

"We Are Pathetic"

Before I begin my rants on TAR, I would like to mention something in regards to Scrubs: Do you think Nike sponsors the show? Holy product placement, Batman!! And now, back to our regularly scheduled bitch-fest:

**Why is Phil STILL dressed like the Good Humor Man?? Someone get this man some decent clothes!
**Did Nicole actually tell someone they had to rely on Brandon's good looks because they have no money? They only place you two are going with those looks is straight to the Blue Lagoon!
**My inner 13-year-old boy would like to say something: "Bangkok"....tee hee....
**Really Christie, you could live in New Zealand? You have been off the plane exactly 5.6 minutes and you know this already? Hmmm.
**I heart Chip and Kim, but would like to donate my sense of direction to them.
**The Twins: "We are pathetic"...yes, I couldn't agree more. That could be the smartest thing they have said the entire show.
**Mmmmm...Phil in jeans, a pullover, and spiky hair....mmmm...Phil.
**How much do I want to go sledging now!?! Seriously, can I do that around here? Does anyone know?
**For Christie's next pageant, her talent will be sledging! Or demonstrating how to be a submissive, mind-controlled, spineless partner. She's still deciding.
**Twins: "Let's do dirty." I knew it! Filthy whores!
**Commercials: Done with Rupert! Enough! West Nile Virus again (does this bite look infected?)!
**Enough with the praying!! Seriously! Like God has nothing better to do than to help your stupid-task-choosing ass!
**Kami and Karli, I have been waiting weeks for you two dingbats to be Philiminated. Good riddance! OMG, they were totally gonna make out at the end!
**Next week: "Meltdown in Manila" AKA "Colin Hates Christie, But We Hate Colin More!"

A Blockbuster Weekend

Seeing as how I have no friends that aren't currently in domestic bliss, I really didn't have a whole lot to do this weekend. So I rented movies. There are a buttload of movies that I have been wanting to see so I took this opportunity to rent what I wanted to watch. Finally!

The best movie that I rented was a little independent flick called Seeing Other People and stars Jay Mohr. Lauren Graham (Gilmore Girls) is in it, too and she plays such a bitch! She was probably one of the best things about this movie. It is about an engaged couple who decide that before they get married, they should sleep with other people. Of course some of it is predictable. But Julianne Nicholson is so adorable when she is telling Jay Mohr about her sexual conquests, that you just can't help but laugh. I really liked this movie and it was a great rental.

I also watched Swimming Pool. Eh. It held my interest, but I kept waiting for something to happen. And when it did, it felt very anti-climatic. And the end kinda threw me for a loop. I won't say what it was in case you haven't seen it and you would like to. But remember what I said: "Eh."

So I was probably the only person on the face of this earth that hadn't seen Monster, so I figured I better watch it. I can see why Charlize Theron won the Oscar for that role. It was a tough movie to watch and her character is so rough and dirty and sad...I found myself just gritting my teeth. I had to take a shower after watching it! But if anyone hasn't seen it, I think you should. I think you will be just as amazed at the story and acting as I was.

Since I had all that heavy stuff, I figured I better rent some "fluff" so I picked up 13 Going On 30. Why?!?! I don't even like Jennifer Garner. I am pretty sure she used to be a man. So please, just do yourself a favor and stay away from this movie. Unless you can just skip scenes and only watch the ones with Mark Ruffalo in them. He was the best part of the movie and even then, I would have to say it's just not worth it. In fact, turn the TV off and go read a book, you Slacker!

What? No TV!??!

So last night I didn't watch TV. Shocking, I know. Don't worry, I didn't do something good for me like go on a bike ride or volunteer for the elderly or sleep. Nope, I have a new love and it is in the form of Trivial Pursuit on Playstation. Ooooohh how I love thee!

Let me start off by saying that I love games, especially trivia games. I keep Trivial Pursuit and Cranium in my car at all times because you just never know when you can gather a group to play. I was very satisfied with the Jeopardy on Playstation. It was fun and challenging. The worst part is "buzzing" in to answer a question. Which for someone reason I am way too lame to do! But guess what? With TP on PS, there is no buzzing involved! Everyone gets to "roll" the dice and move their pieces.

So you are probably asking yourself: "Self, why would I want to play TP on PS when I can just play it the old fashioned way?" Excellent question! There are all kinds of surprises waiting for you with every roll of the dice! If you land on a space where another player is sitting, you trap them! They don't get a turn until you have moved off them. And if you answer the question and move right away, they still lose a turn! You can bet on whether or not a player will get the correct answer. The more points you earn, the more you can do. At 50 points, you can steal another players "wedge" or protect one of yours! You can land on spaces that will rotate the board, or allow you to move anywhere on the board you choose, or that are worth 3x the point value!

Being the extremely competitive person that I am, I love the fact that not only can you rely on your vast knowledge of the useless to get ahead, but you can also have your say in keeping your competitors down! Woo hoo! I just got a head rush!

Hawaii 5-Oh Never Mind

So I watched the new show Hawaii last night. Could the older police guy (sorry didn't catch any names) try any harder to be Horatio Crane? Go home, practice your brooding and whipping off your glasses! I did like that the cute-in-a-homely-sorta-way guy that played Claire's boyfriend on the first or second season of 6 Feet Under is on it. Wow! That was a horrible sentence! Also, the cute guy from Jack and Jill is on it. Is it just me or does he look like a skinnier version of Adrian Grenier with less hair? Either way, he's cute. But he needs to untuck his shirts. Oh yeah, there was a plot and some action and a crime and jacuzzi sex scene in the middle. But whatever, I just watch TV for the boys. HA!

The Lord Doesn't Care if You Are in the Game

I can not believe that vanity almost lost Not-So-Pretty-Boy Brandon and Whining Nikki the game. Oh how I wish! When Phil told them it was a non-elimination round, I screamed at Phil (sorry Phil, I take it all back and I still heart you). So, my notes for this weeks episode are as follows:

- Christie, please stop making excuses for Colin's boorish behavior. We can all plainly see that he is an ass. And you making excuses for him, makes you look like an ass as well.

- Nicole, I can not believe that you had the nerve to compare mosques to Starbucks on national television. I can't even comment any further on this...

- The evil twins actually said that they were going to use all of their "sexual gifts" God gave them (okay, eww). That's right! Whore yourselves out on national television. Your parents must be so proud!

- Chip and Kim are killing me! I love you guys, please read your clues thoroughly!

- Ewww, Colin! You are hideous when you are angry! Wait! That's all the time! For the record, the twins...not much better...

- Did y'all pray with Brandon that God would give him the patience and skills to make bricks so that he wouldn't have to cut his golden locks? Yeah, me neither!

- Could I heart Chip any more right now? Don't think it's possible!

- Next week: Christie finally grows a pair! With Colin's permission of course!